Searching for My Optimism
I’ll admit it, it’s been a tough week. I flew to New Mexico for a long weekend with my family and had a lovely time. I was waited on hand and foot, ate lots of green chile (and brought a fair amount home with me), and basked in the love and attention of friends and family. But the trip exhausted me. Everything exhausts me. It is becoming more and more difficult to get myself up and at ‘em in the morning and my pain levels are gradually increasing so that I will have to increase my Oxycontin dose with the next refill. My feet and ankles are swelling. But mostly I’m just so very tired.
I saw my oncologist for Gemzar and Zometa on Tuesday and have had no significant problem related to those this week. I’m still on fairly good doses of steroids because I wanted to feel as good as possible for my trip and then will wait until my off week from Gemzar before I try another dose reduction (next week). If I feel worse with the lower dose we’ll go back up to where I was before any dose reduction and see if it helps the fatigue. If I feel better, we’ll keep trying to reduce the dose. I’ll get two more doses of Gemzar (for a total of eight) and then I have a scan scheduled on December 8. I don’t expect any good news from the scan - you all know that I don’t really think any of the treatments (except maybe Zometa) that I’ve received since I came off the original Carbo/Taxol/Avastin in August 2008 have really done much about my cancer. It’s just a slow growing, mostly in-the-bones cancer.
But it seems to be affecting more than the bones now, with the fatigue and swelling, and I’m feeling demoralized and worn down. I still have many things to keep me going at this point - quilts, Thanksgiving with my family, visits from friends and family - but I’m feeling less sure, less optimistic about how much of that will really come to pass. I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other and see where it takes me.
October 30th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Lisa -
Optimism is at a premium during tough times like the ones you describe and I admire your courage for “putting one foot in front of the other” to see where it takes you.
Know that my thoughts and best wishes are sent your way.
- Catharine
October 30th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Hi Lisa,
I’ve been following your blog the last 2 weeks. My friend was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 3 weeks ago. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. I continue to watch for your future postings. Hang in there. Jane (Seattle)
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:51 am
Hi Lisa,
My darling husband had lung cancer too. Please contact Dr. Joe Brown in Tempe, AZ. - canceralternatives@drjoebrown.com and see what he says. Whenever my Thomas had Dr. Brown’s treatments, he felt remarkable and the results surprised his oncologist as well. I wish you a healthy and quick recovery.
Kim.
November 6th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Hi Lisa, I too have LC, I was diagnosed nearly four years ago stage 4. I had palliative chemo and radition. I was not ready to go despite being told I only had 6 - 12 months. First of all I got myself onto Iscador as I had upcoming surgery re my hip. After that I started on Low Dose Naltrexone. My onco wonders why nothing has recurred as I had a less that one per cent chance of making it, well, here I am three years after all conventional treatment ended, still hopefully NED, I wish this for all of you….
Celia